Haiku: Penis

Bark louder than bite
Easily conquered braggart
A parade of one

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Vagina

Soft and welcoming
Inordinately complex
A fair-weather friend

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Test Pilot 01

Crackling jet of flame
A fathomed booming felt in chest
Silent clouds below

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Test Pilot 02

Voice on radio
STATUS-SPIN-CONTROL-ABORT
An escape. A crash.

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Can anyone spare a space heater?

So c-c-c-cold
Spare me hypothermia
Just one lump of coal?

© Kevin B.

Haiku: The Pitch

Speech pressed, shirt practiced
Success can almost taste me
One sock brown, one white

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Ann Coulter

Obscuring issues
Pure hatred, not discussions
Not Christian values

© Kevin B.

Haiku: All Your Base Are Belong to Us

No chance to survive
Launch every Zig for justice
Cats: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....

© Kevin B.

Q: What you say?
A: History of "All Your Base Are Belong to Us" (from Wikipedia)

Q: Is there a German translation?
A: All Your Base Are Belong to Us German Translation.

Haiku: Floam

On your face or feet
Floam can improve everything
Put it on your pets

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Mercedes Diesel

Mercedes diesel
Thank you for your courtesy
Your fumes smell like shit

© Kevin B.

Haiku: The Old Apartment

Forsaken by God
My deposit is at risk
Oven is crusty

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Society

I don't know people
Terrifying animals
Their smiles make me bleed

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Chigetsu

the songbirds song --
it stops what I am doing
at the sink

-- Chigetsu (d. 1708)

Haiku: Black Friday

Mist hangs in valley
Chill air, the birds are silent
The shopping begins

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Dream Mixup

An angry nightmare
I asked for naked women!
Order got messed up

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Thanksgiving

Thank you for the food
Thanks for helping us survive
Thank you for your land

© Kevin B.

Sorry to be Mr. Bummer Liberal Jerk guy. I think the Thanksgiving holiday is a good holiday. We cannot change the past.

We should also be aware of the continuing suffering in Native American communities, which we can change.

Read this article, Understanding Discrimination Against Indigenous Peoples and Native Americans, from North Carolina Wesleyan College.

An government article from the Centers For Disease Control, Homicide and Suicide Among Native Americans, 1979-1992. A snippet: "During this 14-year period, overall homicides rates for Native American were about 2.0 times higher, and suicide rates were about 1.5 times higher, than U.S. National rates."

Haiku: When Will We Know Enough to Enjoy Life?

Obscured by learning
Beauty ruined by knowledge
Forget to enjoy

© Kevin B.

Quote: B. F. Skinner

Society attacks early, when the individual is helpless.

-- B. F. Skinner

Haiku: So Many Burritos, So Little Time

Tasty obsession
Oh the salsa! Oh the beans!
Burrito Addict

© Kevin B.

Check out burritoeater.com to find the best burrito in the San Francisco area. Also, you can buy a stylish Burrito Eater Shirt. A perfectly odd holiday gift.

Haiku: No More Shampoo

You can use hand soap
Your hair will be shiny clean
Women will mock you

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Paul Klee

Lines that tease and play
Fruiting trees of color pops
Dark glowing canvas

© Kevin B.

One of my favorite Paul Klee paintings

Paul Klee biography

Haiku: Cigars

Beautiful boxes
A romantic aroma
Smoke like burning hair

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Pink Floyd's Music

Singing jelly fish
Incendiary coral
Black river of sand

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Let the Bad Spirits Out

Anxiety grows
My brain is pumping white noise
Time for trepanning

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Their Time Will Come

Fire will rain on them
The dishonest bureaucrats
When judgement day comes

© Kevin B.

Haiku: School Bureaucracy

She covers her ass
School Principal: not your friend
To hell with the kids

© Kevin B.

Haiku: The Style Guide

We need a style guide
A record of ev'rything
Dinosaurs were green...

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Afraid to Be Seen

Untint your windows
Why do you hide our progress?
Let me see ahead

© Kevin B.

Haiku: School Zone

Pretend speed limit
Nobody drives twenty-five
Hey kids, best of luck

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Solitude 1

An entire weekend
Not invited to parties
Not wanting to go

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Inspiration

A rushing river
Crafting beauty from truth
Now dry riverbed

© Kevin B.

Haiku: The Beginning of Summer

I can remember
At the end of the school year
Great alone sadness

© Kevin B.

Quote: Buckminster Fuller

"The Things to do are: the things that need doing, that you see need to be done, and that no one else seems to see need to be done. Then you will conceive your own way of doing that which needs to be done — that no one else has told you to do or how to do it. This will bring out the real you that often gets buried inside a character that has acquired a superficial array of behaviors induced or imposed by others on the individual."

-- Buckminster Fuller

Letter to "Micheal" (16 February 1970) Micheal was a 10 year old boy who had inquired in a letter as to whether Fuller was a "doer" or a "thinker".

More Buckminster Fuller quotes.

Haiku: Mexicano Nuevo

Tecate slurpees
Guac Kabobs, Taco Blasters
Mi taqueria

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Japanese Dilemma

Learning Japanese
Or pass through eye of needle
Which is easier?

© Kevin B.

Take pity on Sketch Winters' plight, and find some entertaining Japanese links on his site. (Dang, that rhymes. Sorry.)

Haiku: Cranky Old Skater Hater

Old man hates skaters
Go ahead and break your necks
Crime unreported

© Kevin B.

I saw this event today. Three boys, probably about age 10 were skateboarding at their school in the driveway and the sidewalk beside it. They weren't doing anything obnoxious or reckless, just trying to do some grinds on the low curb or flip their boards with their feet. This old guy walks between them on the sidewalk, and as he passes he says, "Go ahead and break your necks and see if anybody cares!" He said it basically at the same time as I passed him going the other way, so I stopped and looked back at the kids, who basically looked stunned and confused. I yelled back to them, "What's up with that dude?" My good deed for the day.

I fear I will be that cranky man some day. Maybe tomorrow.

Haiku: Hail Alka-Seltzer!

Ah, Alka-Seltzer
May not be a remedy
But it feels so good

© Kevin B.

Haiku: A Cold

Allergies in fall?
No, head feels like soggy lint
I am mistaken

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Content Management Tool

Why so difficult?
Damn content management tool
Test of endurance

© Kevin B.

Quote: Voting

"Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."
-- WC Fields

More WC Fields quotes.

Haiku: The Golden Disk

West captures the sun
We hold it hostage all night
Morning brings freedom

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Beware iTunes 7.0.2 Update

I can hear no sound
Where have my music files gone?
Eaten by iTunes

© Kevin B.

I couldn't find any articles about this, but a friend of mine lost her entire music library when she recently updated to the new version of iTunes on Windows. The files were erased from her hard drive, even ones she had purchased from iTunes. Apple customer service is requiring her to mail them receipts for her purchases before they will let her download her deleted files again. They call all this "regrettable" and reminded her to backup her files.

So, backup before you upgrade!

Haiku: Salad

French, hard and crusty
Trash disguised as benefit
They call them croutons

© Kevin B.

Haiku: What Purpose?

So irritable
Frothing and flailing my arms
Who is this mad gnat?

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Anticipating Monday

Let me keep from sleep
Rest brings a glorious day
Blocked by my work desk

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Online Dating Banner

Meet millions of mates
But not the models you see
Just losers like you

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Name Train

Are we embarrassed?
People all have weird last names
Like a train's caboose

© Kevin B.

Haiku: A Weary Task

The washed pot gleaming
Desecrated by the cook
Again at the sink

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Below the Surface

Snow melt on your neck
Dark planets move in silence
The coelacanth glides

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Lifecycle of Cotton

Our clothes are just lint
Waiting to be extracted
Such fragile fashion

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Crazy (Good and Bad)

Friends love me crazy
Doc gives me illness number
Sometimes sunshine burns

© Kevin B.

A Haiku Painting

I discovered this abstract black and white painting titled "Haiku 4", which I think really captures a brief emotional moment visually which a haiku creates with words.

Haiku 4 by Laurent Koller

Haiku: The Egotist

You selfish lamprey
You'll get no more time from me
A psychic vampire

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Driving on the Phone

Must you sideswipe me?
Call your friend when you get home
You'd be safer drunk

© Kevin B.

Study: cell-phone driver and the drunk driver (164k PDF)
"When controlling for driving difficulty and time on task, cell-phone drivers exhibited greater impairment than intoxicated drivers."

Study: Does Cell Phone Conversation Impair Driving Performance?
"Study participants that engaged in cell phone conversations missed twice as many simulated traffic signals as when they were not talking on the cell phone"

Haiku: Hello Prima Donna

Your shallow values
Your designer name-dropping
Who gives a rat's ass?

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Driving Weather

The rain brings brake lights
Can we all just not panic?
You are all jerkholes

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Plenty of Fish in the Sea

Another marriage
A fish pulled from the water
A lonelier sea

© Kevin B.

Haiku: Nitro Burning Fuzz Balls

A daring escape
Zipping through the bedroom maze
The hamster is lost

© Kevin B.